Where will this lead me...

It's been a crazy week for me; So much has been going on. Between my father and a close friend both termanally ill, I can't even begin to express how I feel.

I took my niece to the emergency room yesterday because she was having severe pains in her side, chest and back and after numerous tests - she was having panic attacks from the pain of kidney stones.

There is so much more I would like to say about what is going on in my life but I'm always worried that someone might piece things together and figure out who I'm talking about. My life and the life of my family is not common and in a certain part of town, it would be easy to put the pieces together.

All I can say is this, I don't understand how it all works this way but one of the problems with Bipolar II is when too much is going on in your life, you almost "take on" the event's in your life as if it is happening to you. I feel so overwhelmed.

The medication the doctor gave me to sleep should knock out a truck but I can't sleep a wink so I'll need to talk to him again this week to see if there is something else I can take.

They say it's important to PACE YOURSELF when you are Bipolar. That's funny, when you don't really have control over your mood swings, pace yourself to avoid mood swings?

I miss my brother who is no longer here. I miss my dear friend, also no longer here and I'm very concerned because I feel their presence more now than I have in a very long time and I don't know why. My friend that died in the month of June feels like he's in the next room and even though I've been told it's impossible, the words don't sink in.

I hope I can sleep tonight. My mind is playing fast replay and fastforward again. I just want rest.