Day two and counting....

Well it's another night and I'm still trying to get a grip on my mood. I'll be able to see my doctor longer than usual tomorrow and no go in at the end of the week. I guess the trade-of will be I need to see more of him sooner!

I've been doing a little writing tonight and certain things come to mind - from the mind of someone with Bipolar II. My degree and loss of self control in my mind when I'm in "this place" when I'm on my way down makes me feel like I have loss of control of myself and who I am. I don't really even know who I am at times like this.

For the average person, they would go through a terrible amount of stress at the loss of a job or someone they love - so do I/we, however, when my depression hits the loss of something as simple as my keys or day runner (even if only for awhile - and after I find them) ripps me of my confidence and the loss of security and peace of mind. I feel depressed, anxious, irritable, tired, frustrated and at the same time I want to run.... don't know where but just run. I think this might be a mixed cycle for me - I feel so depessed and tense.

I've got a lot going on right now but even the small things are bigger than life. I cried for over an hour because I didn't have salt in the house and we didn't even need it just yet. I hope something gives soon because this can't keep going on like this or it will swallow me up!

I hope for those who ever read this don't look at it as depressing.... the purpose of this Blog is to give people insight of the minds of people with this condition. It's not something we like. Many famous people you all know have Bipolar Disorder. Hey, I'll copy a list next time if you want me to.

Jessica