Bad urges

I saw my psychiatrist today. I told him about the self destructive urges I've been having and how strong they are. I also let him know that my impulse control is nil. He mentioned with a bit of surprise in his voice that it's been so long since I've been hospitalized for the bipolar. He's right. It's been since August of last year. That's pretty good for me, considering the last 3 or 4 years.

However, I'm afraid that's the road I'm on if I don't get these urges under control. I've got to find a way to go to sleep early in the night, say not later than 1 am or so. That way I'll be controlling them in a way.

On another note, I start a new group tomorrow for survivors of assault and trauma. I don't know about this. I was in one of those back several years ago and while it helped a lot, I also got very caught up in it and the drama of it and it was very hard to extricate myself. Come to think of it, I wasn't able to. I had to stop going because the therapist running the group was moving on to another job. Huh... pretty sad, isn't it?

The therapist I see on a weekly basis for individual therapy is the one running the group. I know she'll protect me and keep me safe. I'm not worried about that. I'm just not wild about opening up to a group of strangers again. It's like it just rips open old wounds that have started to heal over.

Anyways, I think I'm gonna try to get some sleep soon.