A new mood....

It's Saturday and my day has been full. Yesterday I went to my doctor's appointment and should have been more honest about how I felt but I just wasn't in the mood to be there, or for that matter, anywhere.... so I tried to get in and out as fast as I could.

I'm feeling the drop down. Slowly deeper and deeper day by day and even though I know it I don't feel like I can do anything about it. I'm so tired of being up or down and rarely ever in between. This feels like the start of rock bottom and I'm settling deeper in a whole everyday.

I get little spirts of a charge here and then but for the most part, here I go again.

I'm having family problems at one end of town (long story) that have left me feeling worthless; I have no energy left to fight or stand up for myself; My friend who has been sick for some time now just informed me that she needs to talk to me tomorrow. She doesn't want to continue with her treatments anymore.

I could go on for an entire page what the past few days have been like but why put you all through it. Being Bipolar magnifys things in a way that can consume you at a time like this and I hope it doesn't lead to another hospital stay. I miss someone that is gone and I will miss my friend who is sick - I don't want to loose someone close to me again - no this soon.

How I hate the way my mind is wired - I'm exhaused but I can't sleep because I keep thinking about all of this. I'll be visiting my friend tomorrow and want to be good support for her and hope I can shake this long enough to visit with her.