Thousand mile-a-minute mind....

It's 11:42 and actually an early night for me... I'll probably be up all night. I can feel it - going to be one of those nights.

It actually wasn't a bad day but I was preoccupied with thoughts of this and that, him and her and what if's and the list goes on and on and on. I know this may not make sense to most who are reading this but to someone with Bipolar disorder - it makes perfect sense.

When I start thinking about something, I can't process things like most people do. I really wish someone could tell me something and I could just get over it - get mad and "blow it off" like most people do. No, not me! I think about it 1,000 different ways.

My mind goes 1,ooo miles a minute thinking about everything from every angle non-stop. I even think when I sleep! It's hard to believe it but I do. I have a notepad beside my bed and when I wake up (everynight) with a thought or idea, I write it down because if I don't, I can't go back to sleep.

My brain is constantly thinking. When I watch a movie I'm the person that finds the mistakes in the background because I can't just watch the movie.

It's simply exhausting. At the end of a day I am so tired but even though my body is tired, my mind is wired up and ready to go. Tonight is going to be one of those nights - I can feel it. I'll probably stay up after I write this and organize some things in my house because my mind is too busy for sleep. Maybe I'll be able to sleep tomorrow night.

Jessica