Struggling

I'm struggling a lot right now. A LOT. I'm resorting to very old methods of self-soothing that are very destructive. I told my husband and mother in law about it. I'm preparing them for the possibility of me going into the hospital. I'm very afraid that it may happen before the week's end.

I can't shake these thoughts. Thoughts of hurting myself. Of taking a major overdose of insulin. Of taking a whole bottle of pills. Of driving my car into a tree at 60 mph. It's scaring the crap out of me.

I don't feel safe. Not safe at all.

I talked to my therapist about all of this yesterday and she seems very concerned. She even made me promise to not take any more insulin than I absolutely need. She realizes the compulsion to take it is so very strong. Very strong. She wouldn't even let me leave the room until I agreed to it. She said it was either that or the hospital.

I don't know what to do.