Bipolar Disorder

Today I wanted to talke about Bipolar Disorder. Last night I spilled my heart out and typed a blog only to press the enter button and have the entire thing wipped out. Sounded like the way I feel "wipped out".

The purpose of my blog (at least last night) was to talk about Bipolar Disorder I and II. I was diagnosed with Bipolar II. Although I question my diagnosis because some of my symptoms fit into the classification of Bipolar I, I'm treated as Bipolar II.

Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in a person's mood, energy and ability to function. Everyone has their normal ups and downs but the symptoms of Bipolar disorder are severe.

When I started this synopsis to talk about and define things such as mania or manic episodes, hypomania and the like - I suddenly caught myself printing pages (or piles) of information.

With pen in hand, notes to my right and piles to my left -- all of a sudden I realized close to two hours had passed and I didn't even know why I did it. I've lived this for a lifetime and know it all like the back of my hand but just had to print and type and do more and more.

I've been very depressed for some time now. Some days so much that I can barely keep my head up but at the same time my mind is racing a thousand miles a minute (mixed episode) and I know I'm going to crash. I feel like a drunk pinball machine if that makes any sense?

Anything and everything upsets me (in a typical Bipolar manner). I had 8 messages on my answering machine and one was erased in error and I'm still in a panic! What if it was someone I know that is sick and left me an important message.... what if it's something even worse? How stupid... how will I know? Even typing about it upsets me. Any other person would just say "oops" and wait for the person to call back but not me at a time in a mood like this.

I'm waiting for the ball to drop and I'm wondering where this came from. I think it's the pressure from family problems - in fact, I know it is. You see, the average person can have problems that most people do and be a little upset or depressed about it but if you have Bipolar disorder, the problem(s) are to a DEGREE that last longer and feel much deeper and even at times require a stay in the hospital to stablize you.

I wish I would feel like going into more of the symtoms of Bipolar I and II but maybe next time, my mind feels like a blender. I wish Evy was home. The last time I spoke to her she wasn't feeling well. Hope she is good to herself and gets some rest and is well soon.

Thanks for letting me vent and letting you into the mind of a mood of someone with Bipolar disorder.

Jessica