Back from the Nevernever

For those who read the Harry Dresden series, the post title will make sense. For those who don't, the nevernever is a magical realm where nothing is what it seems and anything can, and often does, happen.

Well, I'm back from my lovely week long stint in the hospital. I do feel much better than when I went in. I see now that my thinking had become very disorganized and irrational. Even delusional.

I'd become convinced that I am invincible. To that end, I performed an experiment - a test - if you will. I took waaaay too much insulin and went to the ER to check in. My parameters were this: if my blood sugar dropped drastically, then I wasn't invincible and I was wrong. BUT if they didn't drop, or the drop was negligible, then I WAS invincible. I even had built in a failsafe: if my thinking was wrong and I really wasn't invincible, then I'd be in the best place - the ER.

Funny thing is, the drop was negligible. Even so, I was immediately swarmed by a barrage of nurses doing what seemed like everything at once to me and doctors asking questions and repeated attempts to get me to admit to this being a suicide attempt, which I repeatedly and firmly denied each time. I tried to get them to understand why I'd done what I'd done, but no one was getting it.

Well, after a short time, I was wheeled up to the ICU for a 2 1/2 day stay. I was then moved to the psychiatric ward of said hospital. I stayed in there from Sunday afternoon until Friday morning. Then I was pronounced ready to be discharged and to go home.

I'll tell you, walking out of the hospital with no one watching me... feeling the breeze on my face... starting my car and driving away... they all felt like precious privileges given back to me. Until one has been on a locked ward and has had those privileges taken away one will never understand the sweetness that being released brings.

I love the staff there. They take very good care of me. They know me and my family and my history very well and have been nothing but the best to me each time I'm there. But still, it's nice to walk away from there a more balanced happy soul for being there and having had their support to get to this point.

I feel much better now. I feel ready to once again tackle the stresses of life that are thrown at me. My first task will be to clean up my house. Remember, my husband has been living in here by himself for a week. You can imagine what it looks like, lol.

Well, the cleaning will have to wait for tomorrow. I'm going to head off to bed now. I'm up later than I wanted to be anyways. Night all.