Wednesday

I have an appointment with my PD tomorrow and I'm sure what direction he will take the conversation but I don't want to go there.

I am so terrified about so many things that are going on in my life right now. a family member that has been doing things that remind me EXACTLY of what someone did a few years back when he took his live and I can't go through it again. It's making me feel like I'm losing what's left of my mind. Up's and down's. One minute I'm laughing and the next in tears. Guess that's what they call a mixed episode to those who don't know much about Bipolar.

It use to be that I could just feel like I could PUT IT ALL OUT THERE because no one knows who I am. Even to people close to me, I could just vent but for some reason I feel myself closing in more and more each day.

I don't want to talk or feel anything anymore. I feel like I just want to give up. I'm so tired of it all. It's too much work. Don't worry about me doing something to myself, but if they told me I had a terminal disease and would die in two weeks I would feel so relieved.... so relieved.

I just want to sleep until it happens.